Maybe one way could be to find a song that says what you want to move yourself towards believing.  Music reaches me in ways that sometimes nothing else can.  It still doesn’t work instantly, but it’s something.

For example, I know that I have to work on self-esteem, but it is so hard for me to accept any statements from myself or anyone that indicate that there is anything good about me.  My primary assumptions that I live by every day include that I am not good enough, I never do anything right, and nobody even notices me or remembers me.  The last two can be disproven logically by producing even one counterexample.  On a thinking level, I guess I can accept that.  But the emotional level feels so much stronger, still!  It’s hardest to resolve feeling like I’m not good enough, because “good enough” can be defined however you want to define it, and I’m perfectionistic.  So if I make one mistake, or anybody is critical of me, there’s my proof of not being good enough. 

Here’s where music comes in.  I can sing this song and accept these words, because it’s music, and also being in Swedish probably doesn’t hurt, and I have learned the words and I understand them.  I’m trying to replace the more negative songs in my head with this one instead:

Artist: Helen Sjøholm Song: GABRIELLAS SåNG Album: Så SOM I HIMMELEN
Det är nu som livet är mitt
Jag har fått en stund här på jorden
Och min längtan har fört mig hit
Det jag saknat och det jag fått

Det är ändå vägen jag valt
Min förtröstan långt bort om orden
Som har visat en liten bit
Av den himmel jag aldrig nått

Jag vill känna att jag lever
All den tid jag har ska jag leva som jag vill
Jag vill känna att jag lever
Veta att jag räcker till
(Oh, oh, oh…)

Jag har aldrig glömt vem jag var
Jag har bara låtit det sova
Kanske hade jag inget val
Bara viljan att finnas kvar

Jag vill leva lycklig
För att jag är jag
Kunna vara stark och fri
Se hur natten går mot dag

Jag är här
Och mitt liv är bara mitt
Och den himmel jag trodde fanns
Ska jag hitta där nånstans

Jag vill känna att jag levt mitt liv

In English:

It’s now that life is mine
I’ve got this short time on Earth
And my longing has led me here
What I lacked and what I gained

And yet it’s the way that I chose
My trust was far beyond words
That has shown me a little bit
Of the heaven I’ve never found

I want to feel that I’m alive
All the time I have
I will live as I desire
I want to feel that I’m alive
Knowing that I’m good enough

I have never forgotten who I was
I have only left it sleeping
Maybe I never had a choice
Just the will to exist

I want to live happily, because I am me
To be able to be strong and free
See how night turns into day
I am here, and my life is only mine
And the heaven I thought was there
I will find it there somewhere.

I want to feel that I’ve lived my life.

If you want to hear it: GABRIELLAS SÃ¥NG