Sun 20 Apr 2008
(picture unavailable – black eye)
This happened a week ago Saturday.Â I’ve been called hard-headed before.Â I’m not as bad as my father.Â He tells a joke about flying over his bicycle handlebars and hitting the sidewalk straight on with his head.Â The punch line is “they repaired the sidewalk the next day.”
Anyway, I was shearing goats, and my clipping machine wasn’t cutting hair effectively, so I switched to the more effective shearing machine, which is also louder.Â My goat had been a total sweetie and cooperating very well, but he was scared and dived under the deck to hide.Â I didn’t let go fast enough and hit my head, hard, on the side of the deck.Â Yeah, it hurt a lot.Â There was a huge bump on my head.Â Nobody said much about that though, until 3 days later when it started draining and started to look like a black eye.Â Again, this is not the first time that this has happened to me (different circumstances).Â One would think that I might start learning when to let go.
Guess what?Â The head injury didn’t hurt nearly as much as another situation where I didn’t know when to let go.Â Last week (immediately after the head injury, when I was hurting), I lost the ability to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself.Â I had been containing it for a long time, and it leaked out and I couldn’t stop it.Â I am glad that I stood up for values that are important to me, but the way that I did it was out of control.Â I should have let go a long time ago.Â I was a member of the community team here, and I couldn’t deal with the split between representing the team, and the team taking actions that I couldn’t support.Â I should have resigned rather than repeating my own feelings.Â Then, I hope, I would have been freer to express my opinions.Â I waited too long to let go (for lots of reasons such as not wanting to lose the close association I had with people I was working with), and it hurt.
How many of our problems in life are related to not letting go when we need to?Â Probably more than we think.Â Letting go is really hard.Â Think about letting go of the past, letting go of our problems, letting go of hard feelings.Â Letting go of our excuses for being the way that we are.Â I’m not one to lecture.Â This is my problem.Â I just think that it’s a problem that probably affects a lot of us.Â It’s not always easy to see how not letting go hurts us, but it does hurt and limit us.
Just something to think about.
Apparently I can’t upload music here.Â There is a song by Michael McLean called Let it Go, that seems to fit perfectly.Â Â *
*postscript* I found that song on Youtube, but it won’t seem to embed either, so here is the URL: